Welcome to Scenic Loop at Night — where the speed limit is 45 but the real test is dodging shadowy figures wandering the centerline like it’s a runway. Every evening, our beloved local cryptids emerge: hoodie-wearing road zombies with backpacks full of “probably not copper” and stolen bikes missing seats.
Forget deer crossings — here, it’s “methhead roulette.” You might even get a bonus level if you spot the legendary woman who used to yeet herself into traffic like it was an Olympic sport.
Pro tip: Drive slow, stay alert, and don’t make eye contact. That might count as consent for them to hop in and ask for a ride to “just up the road” — which, fun fact, is never just up the road.
Stay safe out there, Polk County. Or don’t. It’s Scenic Loop, after all.
