SCENIC LOOP, TX — As night falls on this rural stretch of road, a new kind of cryptid emerges: the Scenic Loop Night Walker. Often spotted somewhere between “barefoot” and “fully loaded with a backpack and a questionable bicycle,” these shadowy figures glide through the darkness like confused ghosts late for probation.

Locals report regular sightings:

• “He just stood in the middle of the road like a deer, but angrier.”
• “She threw herself at my car then asked for a cigarette.”
• “I think he was trying to barter copper wire for a vape cartridge.”

Despite having no lights, reflectors, or visible concern for their safety, the Night Walkers seem drawn to Scenic Loop’s traffic lanes like moths to a bug zapper. One driver stated, “I honked three times. He just waved at me like I owed him money.”

No one knows exactly where they’re going or what they’re looking for, but popular theories include:

• An ex’s house.
• An unlocked shed.
• The last functioning Dollar Tree cart.

The sheriff’s office has advised residents to drive with caution and possibly holy water, just in case.