LIVINGSTON, TX—In a bizarre turn of events, local resident Billy Bob Jenkins made headlines this week when he attempted to enroll his black panther, aptly named Midnight, in the upcoming Texas Craft Fair happening in Polk County. Jenkins, a self-proclaimed exotic pet enthusiast, insisted that Midnight was his “emotional support mascot” and deserved a spot among the handmade soap and crocheted doilies at the fair.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Jenkins stated adamantly, as Midnight lazily lounged next to him on his front porch. “He’s a part of the family, just like Grandma’s quilts and Aunt Sally’s pickled okra. Plus, he’s a great conversation starter!”

Despite Jenkins’ enthusiasm, fair organizers were quick to shut down his request, citing safety concerns and a strict “no live animal” policy. The decision left Jenkins fuming and vowing to boycott the event altogether. “If Midnight can’t come, then neither will I,” he declared, crossing his arms defiantly.

This recent incident adds to a string of peculiar occurrences in Polk County, including reports of public water so nasty that residents have started using it to clean their grills instead of drinking it, and rumors of a new business coming to town that turned out to be nothing more than a traveling taxidermy van.

In the midst of all the chaos, the Polk County Pagan Market announced plans to hold a special event dedicated to honoring the black panther as a symbol of strength and protection, much to Jenkins’ delight. When asked if he would be attending, Jenkins simply nodded with a grin, stating, “Midnight and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”