LIVINGSTON, TX – In a shocking turn of events, Livingston resident and self-proclaimed “backyard enthusiast,” Earl Jenkins, has declared himself the official mayor of his backyard and has wasted no time in enacting strict zoning regulations on the local squirrel population.
Jenkins, a retired accountant with a penchant for gardening and bird-watching, announced his new title and responsibilities in a hand-written letter posted on his backyard fence, which has since gone viral on East Texas social media platforms.
The notice, written in colorful crayon and adorned with stickers of woodland creatures, informs the squirrels that they are now subject to Jenkins’ jurisdiction and must abide by the new rules set forth by the self-appointed mayor.
According to the decree, squirrels are prohibited from crossing the designated “property line” of the backyard, must refrain from digging up newly planted flowers, and are encouraged to participate in weekly community clean-up efforts to remove any fallen acorns or debris.
When asked about his bold move, Jenkins explained, “I just got tired of those pesky squirrels running amok in my backyard like they own the place. It’s high time someone took charge and restored order to this ecosystem.”
Local wildlife experts have expressed skepticism about Jenkins’ authority over the squirrel population but have noted a decrease in squirrel-related mischief in the area since the announcement.
In an exclusive interview with Eastexasnews.com, Jenkins hinted at future plans to expand his mayoral powers to include other backyard creatures, such as rabbits and blue jays, stating, “It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it. And I’m just the man for the job.”
Only time will tell if Earl Jenkins’ backyard dictatorship will be met with widespread support or resistance from the local fauna, but for now, the squirrels of Livingston are on notice – Mayor Jenkins is watching.
