MENARD, TX – In a bizarre turn of events at the local Piggly Wiggly, longtime resident and self-proclaimed news connoisseur, Earl Jenkins, was seen causing a ruckus in the produce aisle after misinterpreting a satirical Onion article as breaking news from Polk County Today.

Witnesses reported that Jenkins, known for his unwavering dedication to staying up-to-date with current events in East Texas, was spotted frantically shaking his smartphone while muttering, “This can’t be real!” Unbeknownst to him, the article in question was a fictitious piece titled “Local Farmers Shocked to Discover Giant Onion Growing in Cornfield.”

In a fit of confusion and misguided enthusiasm, Jenkins proceeded to launch what can only be described as a one-man protest against the innocent onions on display. He was seen shouting phrases like “Fake news!” and “We won’t be silenced by your pungent lies!” as he aggressively tossed onions into his shopping cart.

Store manager, Becky Sue Thompson, attempted to diffuse the situation by explaining the nature of satire to Jenkins, but his fervor could not be quelled. Jenkins reportedly declared, “I’ll show those onions who’s boss in these parts!” before storming out of the store, leaving a trail of discarded vegetables in his wake.

Local law enforcement arrived on the scene shortly after, finding Jenkins in his pickup truck, armed with a bag of onions and a determined look in his eyes. After a brief standoff, Jenkins was apprehended and taken into custody for disorderly conduct.

As Jenkins awaits his court date, residents of Menard are left scratching their heads at the unexpected turn of events. In the meantime, the Piggly Wiggly has implemented a new policy limiting the purchase of onions to two per customer in an effort to prevent any further produce-related incidents.