LIVINGSTON, TX—In a shocking turn of events, longtime Polk County resident, Bubba Johnson, has taken to the streets to protest what he calls the “overwhelming invasion of fancy technology” in his rural community.
Johnson, a proud owner of a flip phone from the early 2000s, voiced his concerns to a crowd of confused onlookers outside the Polk County Courthouse. “I’m tellin’ ya, these city slickers keep tryin’ to push their high-tech gadgets on us hardworking folk. It’s downright un-American!” he declared passionately, waving his trusty flip phone for emphasis.
According to Johnson, the recent surge in smartphones and high-speed internet in the area is nothing short of a conspiracy by outsiders to disrupt the simple, country way of life that East Texans hold dear. “I don’t need no fancy GPS tellin’ me where to go. I’ve got my gut instinct and a good ol’ paper map, thank you very much,” he proclaimed, to nods of agreement from some of the gathered crowd.
When asked about popular local news websites like eastexasnews.com and polkcountytoday.com, Johnson scoffed, stating, “I ain’t trustin’ no news that comes from them there interwebs. I’ll stick to my cousin Earl’s gossip down at the feed store, thank you kindly.”
Despite the ridicule he faced from some younger residents in attendance, Johnson remained steadfast in his beliefs. “Mark my words, all this fancy technology mumbo jumbo is gonna be the downfall of our town. You just wait and see,” he warned, before riding off on his trusty horse, leaving the crowd pondering the ramifications of a world without smartphones and high-speed internet in Polk County.
