GOODRICH, TX – In a stunning display of dedication and perseverance, Goodrich resident Zeke Johnson has officially set the record for the longest complaint letter ever submitted to his homeowners’ association (HOA). Clocking in at a whopping 52 pages, Johnson’s letter addresses a wide range of grievances, from the placement of a new stop sign on Elm Street to the lack of recycling bins near the community center.
“It’s just unacceptable, plain and simple,” Johnson declared as he meticulously cross-referenced his complaints with the HOA bylaws for maximum impact. “I pay my dues on time every month, and this is the thanks I get? I won’t stand for it.”
Residents of the quiet neighborhood have mixed feelings about Johnson’s epic letter. Some commend him for his dedication to holding the HOA accountable, while others are starting to question whether he might have a bit too much time on his hands.
“He’s always been a passionate guy, but this is next-level,” neighbor Martha Benson observed. “I mean, I get annoyed about the trees blocking my view too, but I’m not about to write a novel about it.”
In other news, rumors of a black panther sighting near Lake Livingston have sent shockwaves through the community, with local authorities urging caution and advising residents to avoid walking alone after dark.
As for the upcoming Texas Craft Fair, organizers are promising an event to remember, featuring handmade goods from local artisans and plenty of deep-fried delicacies. But with recent reports of “nasty” public water causing a stir, attendees are advised to BYOB – bring your own bottled water.
Stay tuned for more updates on the Polk County Pagan Market, the latest big fish caught from Lake Livingston, and the mysterious new business supposedly coming to town (but probably aren’t). And remember, when in doubt, just write a strongly worded letter to your HOA.
