NARRATED BY: Definitely Not David A.

Welcome to the wilds of East Texas, where a curious species roams freely — angry, outspoken, and constantly online. These are… the People of Polk County.

Observe, as the average local wakes up, pours a lukewarm cup of gas station coffee, and immediately logs onto Facebook to begin their sacred ritual: complaining about Dollar General’s stocking choices and declaring war on a local small business for having a pride flag.

They congregate in digital habitats like “Livingston iTown”, “What’s Happening in Onalaska?”, and the notorious “Local Rant & Rave”, where conflict is not just common — it’s expected. No topic is too small to ignite a full-blown civil war. Loose dogs? Armageddon. Loud mufflers? Time to call Homeland Security.

Mating rituals include:

• Posting “Y’all single?” at 3AM.
• Arguing about brisket cooking times.
• Tagging exes in cryptic memes about loyalty.

Some rare subgroups exist:

• The Helpful Ones (who answer questions and get ignored),
• The Taggers (who only comment “following”), and
• The Elders (who TYPE IN ALL CAPS and refuse to stop).

Polk County: where the deer are skittish, the humans are not, and the ecosystem runs entirely on drama and Circle K chicken.

Stay tuned as we follow one particularly bold male who just asked the mayor to resign over potholes.